Hello, everyone! Did you miss me and my sage, healthful advice last quarter? I took a break from the dog-eat-dog world of Northwestern and ventured out into the dog-devour-dog world of Hollywood! My internship at a major animation studio taught me many things about the entertainment industry, but I might have learned more from just living in the Los Angeles area — especially about how weak I am.
No, I don’t mean physically. Please. I am a powerhouse. Hitch me up to a pickup truck and I can pull it. I mean weak in the sense that when it comes to new foods. I just can’t pass up the opportunity to try them. I have this thing about regional fast food: I try it and if I like it, I have to eat as much of it as I can, because who knows when I’ll be back? (Note: For some reason this does not apply to Jack in the Box.) Nowhere was this truer for me than among the abundant eateries of L.A.
I also attribute my scandalous behavior to a combination of cockiness and despair. I had been following my healthy eating habits of yesteryear, but my weight was staying the same. I gradually started testing the waters more and more. I figured, if I’m damned if I do and damned if I don’t, why not enjoy myself?
Having never been to L.A. before, I knew very little about the landscape — except that my hipster SoCal friends couldn’t stop raving about something called “In-N-Out Burger”. Naturally, I had to try it. They have some pretty good burgers — I’m telling you, it’s gotta be that secret sauce. Their fries were nothing special but still, they have a secret menu. I mean, tell me of a quick-service restaurant with more street cred. Just try.
Next, I had to stop by Del Taco, where they serve Mexican-type cuisine, except with french fries. If that isn’t crazy-town then I don’t know what is. I also ate at El Pollo Loco, another Mexican place, whose angle is that they don’t fry their chicken, so it’s healthier. Seems sensible, but in my lazy state I opted for the cheesy quesadillas and other things that I’m sure weren’t part of their healthy eating menu.
Then came my introduction to Carl’s Jr. You might know their commercials — people eating ridiculously large burgers like it’s something normal people do every day. They look as happy as pigs in you-know-what, which meant I had to try it. I sampled much of their fine fare, from the fried zucchini (more caloric than a small serving of fries) to the chilicheeseburger — you know, the kind with the really high napkin quotient.
I had to stop and evaluate where my life was going when I found myself intentionally navigating through L.A. rush-hour traffic just so I could go to the Carl’s Jr. Jr. (not a typo — a smaller Carl’s Jr.) to buy a Cap’n Crunch milkshake. You heard me. They mixed a bunch of Cap’n Crunch cereal into a vanilla milkshake. And I drank it. And it was delicious. But maybe the universe was trying to tell me something, because while I was in L.A., the founder of Carl’s Jr. died. May he rest in unnecessary-food-item peace.
What is my goal in airing my dirty fast-food laundry, confessing my sins as though you were some sort of diet priest? One, to tell you that you’re not alone in being tempted. The healthy row can be tough to hoe, especially when your healthy eating habits aren’t yielding weight loss, as was my case. And two, to announce right here, right now, that I am joining Weight Watchers. I thought I could do it on my own and though I’ve made it more than half way, I need that push. My best friend in Texas (whom I’ve spoken of before) has used them to great success and now she works as a receptionist for her meetings in Austin. So here’s to pointless fast food binges being a thing of the past. And with God as my witness, I will never drink a McDonald’s Shamrock Shake again.