It’s the same drill every time. Get in the car, turn on the radio and hear catchy song after catchy song about love, lust or heartbreak. Though we may not think very critically about the lyrics coming through our speakers, they still hold the power to warp our perception of love and influence how we form our relationships, and not always in a positive way.
“Sometimes I hate every single stupid word you say/Sometimes I want to slap you in your whole face,” sings P!nk in her newest song, “True Love.” According to loveisrespect.org, 43 percent of college-aged women report experiencing abusive dating behaviors, including “physical, sexual, tech, verbal or controlling abuse.” One in three report having been in an abusive relationship.
These occurrences of relationship violence occur against a backdrop of the normalization of abuse, blasted over the airwaves. When lyrics like these are played on the way to work or over the loudspeakers at Jewel, they become internalized as acceptable or “romantic:” equating these instances of violence and hurt to what “true love” should be, as the song title would have listeners believe.
“This is one of many messages that violence is sexy and that hurting is a normal part of a relationship,” Eva Ball, the Coordinator of Sexual Violence Response Services and Advocacy at Northwestern, said.
Not only do songs like P!nk’s warp our notion of romance, they also have the capacity to make someone in an abusive relationship, and the perpetrator of this relationship violence, feel that violence is OK. Believing that abuse is just a normal part of a relationship lends to the longevity of abusive relationships.
“One of the most heartbreaking things is that students don’t identify what’s happening to them as relationship violence because it is so normalized, in part because of songs like this,” Ball elaborated.
Habits of violence in relationships start at a young age, normally beginning between the ages of 12 and 18, according to loveisrespect.org. The severity of intimate partner violence tends to be worse if a pattern of abuse was established during adolescence, and are often formed through observing violence around them, either in their day-to-day life or popular media. Listening to songs such as “True Love” may make future perpetrators of sexual violence internalize these messages of violence as romance as something to be desired in a partner, and act accordingly in their future relationships.
“If that’s what you’re being fed by society as you’re maturing and becoming interested in relationships, it definitely plays a role in how you interact with a significant other,” Medill sophomore and Sexual Health and Prevention Peer Educator Miranda Cawley said.
A 2003 study done by the American Psychological Association of 500 college students found that violent music lyrics are directly associated with an increase in aggressive thoughts and feelings. Songs with violent lyrics, like “True Love,” increased hostility in the students. According to Professor Marco Ruffini of the Department of Art History, who studies expressions of love in early modern Italian literature, this phenomenon stems from the theory of love as conflict, playing off of the antithesis of love and hate.
The role of perpetrator and victim are not tied to gender, however. Both men and women may internalize the messages of songs such as P!nk’s in a vast number of ways, either as the abused or abuser.
“It is an issue about gender, but it’s also not an issue about gender,” Ball elaborated. “It’s largely related to gender roles and the heteronormativity of our conceptual ideas of what it means to be a man and a woman, but to say that’s all it is a gross oversimplification that leaves many peoples’ stories untold.”
And violent songs also support the growth and normalization of rape culture. According to Ball, victims of relationship violence are more often than not also the victims of sexual assault. Perpetrators of abusive relationships typically attempt to control every aspect of the relationship, including what happens in the bedroom.
Though not directly related to her academic research, Latino and Latina Studies Professor Lorena Alvarado, whose research focuses on determining what constitutes emotion and how popular music may reveal a history of past violence, has found that many artists may sing about social issues like domestic violence because they’re not responsible for remedying them.
“Taking these issues and putting them into a ‘cute’ context like a song or music video is a privilege many people with these experiences don’t have,” Alvarado said.