When President Morty Schapiro introduced the headliner of Friday’s A&O Blowout as the singer of the song “Daughters,” a whisper of “John Mayer!” rippled through the class of 2016. Actually, Morty revealed, Nas is the headlining act and Young the Giant will open for him. This introduction also prompted a whisper: “Who?” Don’t deny yourself a concert ticket if you’ve never heard of Young the Giant or Nas, and don’t listen to their music either. North by Northwestern understands that, while you need to impress your friends, you don’t have the time to become an actual fan before Friday. The only option is, simply, to fake it. (Who hasn't pretended to know more than they actually do? It's why Wikipedia was invented.) So with the help of this short, easy guide, you can walk proudly into the Welsh-Ryan Arena – and nobody ever needs to know about that whole John Mayer thing.
Young the Giant
The Look
The indie rockers of Young the Giant look exactly like you’d expect: five Californian hipsters in skinny jeans, flannel and varying levels of scruffy beard-dom. To blend in, you want to wear anything Instagram-able, like jean jeackets and ironic American flag prints. And hopefully you have terrible eyesight, because nothing says "I love Young the Giant" like a gigantic pair of Rayban glasses.
The Talk
Since we’re already busy memorizing French verbs and other facts that actually matter, there’s no need to stuff our heads with the entirety of Young the Giant’s discography. In fact, don’t even bother learning all the lyrics to Young the Giant’s hit single “Cough Syrup” — if you belt the chorus loud enough, nobody’s going to notice that you’re singing it to the wrong tune.Watch out, though: Sameer Gadhia, lead singer and wearer of an ironic Justin Bieber coif, likes to change up the chorus up each time. The following lyrics stay the same, but there are usually other lines between the first verse and the second.
Life’s too short to even care at all oh / I’m losing my mind losing my mind losing control (Just nod your head and hum to whatever he says here.)
If I could find a way to see this straight I’d run away / To some fortune that I should have found by now
However, pulling off a fake fandom isn't as easy as just recognizing when the band is onstage and remembering five lyrics. It’s about creating a persona — a persona so shameless and hardcore no one would dare not believe it. Did anybody question Leo DiCaprio when he said he was a pilot in Catch Me If You Can? No, because he had a mob of adoring flight attendants surrounding him. In other, more clichéd terms, go big or go home.
So, don’t worry if you realize you have no idea what you’re talking about. Instead, embrace it. Real fans know more than just the popular song, and so should you. Singing along isn’t even necessary. Instead, right when "Cough Syrup" starts up and the person next to you squeals with delight, smile and say, "I love this song, but 'Strings' and 'Apartment' are SO much better." With just the right mixture of self-confidence and snobbery, nobody will doubt your Young the Giant cred. Word of warning: make sure whatever song you’re hyping isn’t the one that’s playing.
The Walk
So, you’ve pulled off the DiCaprio and managed to embed yourself in a group of ironically tattooed coffee drinkers. Congratulations! Everybody bought your fake fandom — including the actual fans, who want to gush about Young the Giant with you. Obviously, this is deep undercover, but there's a way to escape with your lie intact: the pivot. As our presidential candidates graciously demonstrated last Wednesday, this is the tactic of seizing one small conversation detail and sprinting away with it, instead of addressing the actual question. So when the hipster hottie next to you asks, “What do you think about the deeper meaning of suburban ennui in ‘Cough Syrup’?", don’t panic. Instead, reply smoothly, “Glee totally misunderstood the whole song. I mean, I love Darren Criss, but…” Then they’ll jump in about how they love Darren Criss (because the world loves Darren Criss) and you can spend the rest of the night quoting A Very Potter Musicalat each other.
Nas
The Look
Nasir Jones, or Nas, is a rapper from New York who’s actually been performing since around the time the undergraduate classes were born. Over the past few years, rapper and hipster fashion has morphed into one, so you won't need to pull any kind of phonebooth-style clothing switch in between Young the Giant and Nas.
The Talk
Nas has sung a few more songs than Young the Giant, so it’s harder to pin down that one song to semi-memorize. But “Daughters,” the song Morty used to mislead the female half of the class of 2016, will almost certainly put in an appearance, and the strategy for faking your way through rap is a little bit different than a chorus-heavy pop song. Unfortunately, it’s also a little bit more complicated.
The hook is the line that rappers repeat over and over again. This is the easy part.
For my brothers with daughters, I call this
Then comes the real work. You actually need to know the first few lines of “Daughters.” The beginning of the song is when everybody looks around, reassuring themselves that they know the words better than their friends, so you need to make sure your mouth is moving when they check you out.
I saw my daughter send a letter to some boy her age / Who locked up / First I regretted it then caught my rage like / How could I not protect her from this awful phase / Never tried to hide who I was, she was taught and raised like / A princess, but while I'm on stage I can't leave her defenseless
But what happens if, as soon as the music starts, your mind goes blank? Luckily, your fan persona is immune to shame, so pucker your lips and bob your head while you wait for your friends to look at you. Then, break the cardinal rule of awkward social interactions: make eye contact. Your friends will feel caught and look away immediately, and your cover is safe.
The Walk
Over Nas’s long career, he’s generated more than a few interesting facts to tell the person standing next to you. For example, he and Jay-Z had a rivalry so intense it has its own Wikipedia page. And once you start talking about Jay-Z, feel free to veer the conversation towards your unconditional love of Beyoncé and your eternal sadness that Destiny's Child broke up. Your neighbor may start to pick up on the fact that people who like Nas don't usually know all the words to "Say My Name," but luckily, you have a foolproof way to prove you're the real deal. Faking rap fandom isn’t about what you say, but how you act. There’s a certain move that all rap artists encourage their concertgoers to pull out to prove that they’re into the music. Basically, you’re going to have to dance.
Stick your arm into the air, and with a slight bend to the elbow, bob it up and down to the beat. Let your hand go slightly limp, because you’re too cool to really care, but make sure your wrist is straight, because otherwise you just look silly.
Well, let’s be honest. Everybody looks silly doing this, because you look like a crowd of metronomes. But sometimes, being a real fan is just like being a fake fan: you commit to something ridiculous because you care. The people who honestly value this music, who paid $10 to see Young the Giant and Nas because they like Young the Giant and Nas, feel equally weird and uncomfortable. And isn’t that why you faked being a fan in the first place? To bond with people through shared interests and emotions? Congratulations, you are all dancing like metronomic weirdos together.