North by Northwestern

Last week was horrible. Why? No Gossip Girl. And the week before was just as bad: no Nate, no Chuck. Might as well have canceled that episode instead. This week we finally get back to GG basics, with a wide and varied plot that will best be summarized by bullet points.

Summary

The headband that launched a thousand ships — or at least one awesome catfight. Photo courtesy of the CW.

• Blair/Serena — The episode aptly begins with another one of Blair’s Audrey Hepburn dreams. She’s Eliza Doolittle with her cockney “rain in Spain” bit, but Serena comes in post-elocution as a “fair lady.” Love it. Blair disses Brown and pisses Serena off, leading S to accept the dean’s private invitation to visit Yale. Shenanigans ensue, with Blair accidentally kissing the dean and embarrassing Serena at the private dinner, culminating in a legit bitch fight on the front porch and the girls calling it quits. Psych! They make up by the end, accepting that their fight was rooted in despair at the thought of separating next year. Also, Serena gets a dirty-rush-esque acceptance into Yale — since she’s all over the news, and the dean is all about free publicity. She promises to share it with Blair. Because apparently you can do that.
• Chuck — Chuck’s going on college visits to look for secret societies. And of course Skull and Bones comes into play. They creepily throw a bag over his head and whisk him away, as he planned. To prove his worth, he throws a party. Of course, for Chuck, party = lots of strippers/prostitutes. It’s not entirely clear what they were but we do know that they “work best in threes.” The rest of Chuck’s saga blends into Dan/Nate, but let’s just say Chuck’s actual goal was to blackmail the future leaders with incriminating photos of them with hos. He is a balla. I kind of love him.
• Dan/Nate — Dan’s all about the college visits. Dartmouth Yale is his dream! Unfortunately, his second recommendation letter never came through. But no worries: since Yale’s SO cool, he can just run down to the English department, get someone to read his work and write a letter. No problem. Nate, on the other hand, is just not that into it. His first choice is still USC (what?!), but he hopes at Yale he can “get away from it all.” It turns out, though, he’s going where everybody knows his name. While winning over a college girl, he hears people asking about him. Apparently his daddy’s killed many a Yale trust fund. So of course, he tries to hide by using Dan Humphrey’s name. But while Nate’s hooking up with said college girl, Dan comes to the room looking for a recc. and ruins his cover. Going back to the Skull and Bones guys: they hate Nate’s dad and order Chuck to hand him over. Chuck sends them to Dan instead, whom they tie to the statue in his boxers. Afterward, Nate hears the guys bragging in a bar, punches them and hilariously knocks over ONE bar stool to stop them (which actually manages to trip a guy). He frees Dan and the two actually have a bonding moment. Dan+Nate=bffs??
• Jenny/Rufus — Jenny tries to convince Rufus that she can be home-schooled a la Vanessa, who’s applying to NYU next year. In an attempt to convince him to let her keep working, she lets him shadow her for a day at her job. He stays fairly close-minded, but a trip to Lily’s finally convinces him. So Jenny gets to try home-schooling and pursue her dreams. Aww.

Thoughts

• This episode should be retitled “Yale’s so awesome! Everyone wants to go to Yale! You should go to Yale too!” From start to finish, it’s absolutely shameless Yale promotion. Even Nate, whose huge problem first season was his dad pushing Dartmouth, only talks now about how his mom is pushing Yale. What happened to Dartmouth?! Also, apparently at Brown, you major in drum circles and symbiotics.
• The woman with her porcelain cats. What? I wish I could bribe people with porcelain cats.
• So Marc Jacobs named a purse after Serena? This show is losing its grip on reality.
• I love when a Yale chick makes the classes sound really cool. N: “They have classes like that?” No, Nate. I’d be willing to bet they actually don’t. Ironically, I fell asleep in Macroeconomics today.
• Also the moment when she was like “move over, my mom was in the Navy,” and proceeded to untie Dan’s knots. My dad was in the Navy too, but that doesn’t mean I was imbued with magical knot-untying powers.
• The bitch fight was the best thing ever. “I hate that stupid headband.” You have no idea how many times I’ve said that while watching the show.
• Nate’s still gorgeous. And I love Chuck Bass.

Quotes

• Blair: “My hair might not sparkle when it catches the light!”
• And my favorite:
• Serena: “I hate that stupid headband!”
• Blair: “Ow, my headband!”

Next Week

Apparently Vanessa needs to be destroyed. Interesting, since she hasn’t done much in a while. Looks like Blair wants Chuck to seduce Vanessa. And she’s bribing him with sex? This looks kind of messed up. In the best possible way.