North by Northwestern

The title says it all: a Chuck-centric episode, dreams do come true. I have a somewhat unhealthy love for Chuck Bass. Sure, he was the sketchy creeper for a while, but through the magic of character development he’s become the most lovable thing ever. You just want to give him a big hug and tell him everything will be okay.

Summary

• Bart’s finally back for good, and as the Bass family prepares for its official debut, Lily and Bart lay out some strict ground rules for the kids — which Serena is not okay with. It turns out Lily has a history of putting her men before her kids, and Serena’s done following orders. She pins the problem on Bart and rebels by dressing slutty and breaking curfew. However, while angrily telling the press about Lily’s flaky past at the “housewarming party,” she realizes she’s actually mad at Lily for being a bad mom. The new Basses reconcile and decide to work on becoming a real family. That just happens to be fabulously wealthy and powerful.
• Dan and Nate are now bffs. Bff enough that Dan’s joined the soccer team. Yes, Dan Humphrey plays a sport now. At least they don’t try to pretend he’s good at it? Anyway, Dan shows up at Nate’s uninvited and discovers Nate’s house and possessions were seized and he’s essentially a squatter. He’s sleeping in a sleeping bag. Poor Nate, he’s too pretty to sleep on the floor. The Humphreys subtly try to get Nate to stay at their place, but he’s too proud. THEN Dan runs into Serena, who had just run out of the party. They actually talk for the first time since Mean Serena came around, apologize to each other, and bond a little bit. Methinks the once-perfect-couple may be starting up again? Possibly, we’ll see. Dan somehow convinces Nate to live with them for a while, closing with a sickeningly sweet Humphrey family moment. If I was Nate, I’d have started running then. And I swear, if this leads to Nate and Jenny getting together, I will boycott this show.
• Now for the main plot. Vanessa wants to save a Brooklyn bar. She decides to randomly blackmail Blair into getting a thousand signatures for her petition with the pic of Marcus/Catherine. Weak premise for blackmail. Blair gets pissed and makes an agreement with Chuck, who’s jealous of Nate/Dan. She gets Chuck to agree to “seduce and destroy” Vanessa — she’ll get back at V and Chuck can get back at Dan for stealing his bff. Chuck takes a genuine interest in the bar, but calls the deal off ’cause V’s not worth it to him. It’s then that Blair raises the stakes by agreeing to have sex with Chuck if he gets Vanessa. Which Chuck obviously agrees to, since he’s obviously still in love with Blair. Thing have taken a very Cruel Intentions-esque spin. So the entire time, hints are dropped that Blair still has feelings for Chuck and that Vanessa’s becoming interested in some way. When Blair accidentally sees an intense Chuck-Vanessa moment (Vanessa comforts Chuck about dad-issues), she tells Vanessa all about how Chuck was using her, and tells Chuck he won and gets sex. She was extremely jealous, pretty much. However, Chuck goes back to the bar to tell them that he will help them no matter what, which Vanessa overhears and realizes he’s still a good guy, a.k.a., she’s still interested. Chuck and Blair start hooking up, but Chuck stops things and asks Blair to tell him “three words, eight letters, say them and I’m yours.” Throwing her own words back at her. But stupid Blair says she’ll never say she loves him (even though she does) and is willing to settle for just sex. Surprisingly, Chuck isn’t; he wants more. He leaves, saying he’s tired of chasing Blair and that she’ll be chasing him for a change.