Previously Pwn’d is our brand-new column about retro video games. You’ll see old favorites and unappreciated classics. Get your button mashing fingers ready.
Personally, I did not have a lot of fun studying Chinese history in high school. I did, however, have the adventure of a lifetime playing Dynasty Warriors 3 for Playstation 2. DW3 is a Japanese game about ancient Chinese royal families and the war to rule the country. Set in the era of the Three Kingdoms, you control various generals from the time period (many of whom are non-fictional) and hack and slash your way to greatness. This game was great as a new title and it still retains incredible replay value because of its straightforward simplicity, its reward system, the gratifying action and the always hilarious and inept cinematic moments.
The object of the game is easy to grasp: blast through enormous maps while fighting thousands of nameless troopers and occasionally taking on a slightly more difficult general. Your character is generally overpowered and asks only that you rapidly hit the X button to swing his sword through piles of baddies. When you’ve done enough damage you get the power to use your Musou mode — one of the coolest looking power-ups in a fighting game. In real life, you hit O once and watch your character plow down everyone in the vicinity. But in the game world, time stand still, the cameras circle and then you erupt into a furious rampage (if you are playing with a friend it becomes a challenge to try and do this at the exact same time to cause inconceivable damage).
While this aspect of the game is simple, that’s not to say there is no challenge to the game. There is a lot of endurance required, as the larger maps can take up to an hour to beat. You’ve got to watch your back at all times, or else some wayward soldier might run up and destroy your progress in one fell swoop. Furthermore, there is a great degree of risk and reward to the game. You can choose to dash through all the chaos and do just enough to trigger the right cut-scenes if you want to beat the game. But, if you choose to take it slow and take on more bad guys, the game pays in full. Characters drop power ups that can be saved and reused in future battles, and each kill gets you more points that help you to level up your skills. Even a relatively impatient gamer will be tempted to take out entire armies in the hopes of raising the strongest fighter the game has ever seen. This is also the way to go if you are as obsessive-compulsive as I am.
The story plays out like a great Kung-Fu classic: it’s campy, poorly produced, quotable and hilarious. You can choose between the authentic Japanese voice acting (keeping in mind that the characters are all Chinese) or the absurd English voices. Most of the generals sound like Olmec (from Legend’s of the Hidden Temple) and the underlings are always sure to be goofy. To illustrate, here is a montage of cut-scenes featuring the most feared character in the game, Lu Bu (the second one is my favorite).
If you have a PS2 and are looking for a good time-killing game or a good multiplayer, DW3 will not disappoint. If you go rummaging or a used copy though, do NOT settle for any other game in the franchise (they aren’t as good). Also, at the end of this game’s rainbow is one of the most ridiculous and incomprehensible music sequences I have ever seen. Hope this brings back some memories for those of you that have played: