College can be lonely.
There are roommates, neighbors and significant others (for the lucky ones), but when you are locked in your room with a pile of homework and no money for food, a sympathetic and unbiased ear would be more than welcome.
However, Northwestern’s housing policy prohibits housing pets in the dorms.
“No pets. Period,” said Mark D’Arienzo, the associate director of university housing.
But when it comes to smaller pets, such as fish and ant farms, the housing department is “not personally going to every room. We rely on the hall staff to investigate and enforce that,” D’Arienzo said.
If you need creature comfort at school to replace your beloved puppy from home, follow this guide to pick an appropriate pet for your dorm room — just pick your level of excitement.
So safe, they’re almost boring.
Plants and flowers: If you have allergies or are unwilling to sacrifice precious space in your already-crowded dorm to yet another living creature, a plant might be right for you. You can even buy a plastic plant or a bouquet if watering plants daily seems like too much effort.
Furbies and other creepy, talking stuffed animals: Furbies combine a gremlin, a three-year-old and almost everything that sucks about a dog to create the worst pet imaginable. However, if you plan to someday be a nanny or have a baby, getting a Furby may be good practice — plus, you can throw it out the window if you get tired of it whining in its stupid, made-up Furby language. On Ebay, Furbies run between $5 and $50, depending on whether or not it actually works.
Almost definitely okay.
Fishies: Not quite as cute as hamsters or as fun as turtles, but smaller and less obtrusive, fish can be the perfect pet for the dorm room. While some of the biggest and cutest fishes are a bit improbable for the dorms (beluga whales, dolphins, porpoises), a friendly goldfish or beta fish is the perfect company for a night’s worth of calculus homework. Unless you knock the tank over and spill water everywhere, a small fish requires little clean-up work and won’t bother the roommate. However, make sure to set up the tank properly before bringing the little guy home: putting a fish in tap water can quickly end its little life.
Hermit crabs: These tiny crabs live in a tiny cage and require relatively little care… with relatively little payoff. Although they are more interactive than fish, and crawl around on your hand when needed, they spend most of the time asleep in their shells. Every time I bought a crab from the pet store at home, it was all fun and games for a few weeks until the crab suddenly stopped moving. Forever. On the bright side, hermit crabs like to live in groups, so you can buy multiple and watch them interact. At the very least, hermit crabs are entertaining to look at, especially if you purchase the painted variety.
Maybe. Just maybe.
Small rodent-like animals: While these may be a challenge at times, theoretically it is possible to keep these animals under the radar. But check with your roommate first: these animals can be stinky and noisy without the proper care. The pungent smell of a dirty cage won’t help roommate relations, and a perpetually squeaking wheel makes it hard to sleep. Make sure to have all your caretaking bases covered before bringing the pipsqueak home.
And be warned, a personal anecdote: if you decide to buy two or more fuzzy furry tiny animals, they may eat each other, as I discovered one day when I came home to a dead hamster. No one wants to take out that trash.
Reptiles and other slithery things: These are generally quieter and less nauseatingly pungent than hamsters and their other cuddly friends. Assuming you aren’t keeping an eight-foot python under your bed, small reptiles and small cages can reside on your desk or bookshelf and pass by unnoticed. While reptiles may not be as fun and cute as guinea pigs or puppies, they have their own charm.
Absolutely not.
Almost anything on the Cute Animal Blog: As cute and cuddly as the residents of the Cute Animal Blog may be, sneaking a living, breathing, noisy, stinky bundle of energy into your 12′ by 16′ dorm room will be a challenge. These animals need space and attention — neither of which are frequent in dorm rooms. Additionally, the heavy stress of a full course load and hours of homework each night will prevent you from giving these animals the love and care they deserve.
Sloths, monkeys or any other unusual animals: Technically, no state trooper will knock on your door and demand to take your monkey away if you insist on keeping your own Curious George. According to Illinois state law, “there are no state requirements for a person possessing non-human primates and other exotic species not defined as ‘dangerous animals.’” (Dangerous animal = lion, tiger, leopard, ocelot, jaguar, cheetah, margay, mountain lion, lynx, jaguarundi, bear, hyena, wolf, coyote or any poisonous life-threatening reptile.) But just because it’s legal doesn’t mean it’s a good idea. As Ross of Friends learned, monkeys are unpredictable, unruly and any novelty they had disappears the second they learn to throw poo. Literally. At you. As for sloths: while cute as babies, no one wants to wake up to find this looking at you. Plus, they like to live in trees, which can be difficult to squeeze into dorm rooms.
Things to keep in mind.
Yes, pets are against the rules. D’Arienzo said that if your beloved animal is discovered, you will have to get rid of it.
“People tend to forget about these things over break,” D’Arienzo said, citing that as one of the reasons the university bans pets. Thus, if you have a beloved animal residing in your room, send him or her home with a friend over break, or leave it at a friend’s apartment to make sure it’s properly cared for.