So what if you can’t dance but you’re doing DM, nevertheless? Why are you doing that? What’s wrong with you? You must be a glutton for embarrassment or something. But it doesn’t have to end in flames (the car wreck kind). It could perhaps end in the inferno of sizzling dance moves that, no, I don’t know how to produce personally, but, thank the Lord, YouTube pulls off countless times everyday.
With that, we cast our net far and wide into that diverse archive of (first) world recordings, to find some overall approaches and specific moves to suit everyone’s particular groove.
Throwback
This might not be such a good idea unless you can pull off the pompadour and fox coat, but an equivalent attitude can compensate. So take notes on Eddie Izzard’s self-assured strut. Imagine busting this combo out during hour 28, no sweat. Jaws will hit the floor.
Caffeinated Woodpecker
Dancing is aspirational at best, asspirational at worst. Ba dum ch. But seriously, aim a little higher. In that spirit, I give you this brief but blistering tap conversation between Savion Glover and Gregory Hines. This strategy of conversing through dance may work wonders for the more self-conscious of dancers who seek the support of their peers without the commitment of actually dancing with someone else. Although you may not be able to keep up now with every volley these two unleash, if you start prioritizing this over everything else, you should be close by DM.
Tell me a Tail
This clip from Singin’ in the Rain illustrates the time-tested approach of storytelling through dance. Find someone you have chemistry with (not necessarily your lab partner) and let the sparks fly as you portray the course of your relationship. This can take the form of a petite minuet, block-length ballet, 30-hour interpretative dance suite – whatever feels right. Dress more or less according to the style shown in the clip, although feel free to update it to something more “current,” whatever that is. Extra points if you work in the gangsters (who, incidentally, are quite good at fundraising).
WWE Hoedown?
Ignore the announcer’s hysterical screaming – what you see here most certainly is not “illegal!” It is simply a good example of thinking beyond labels – macho wrestler, meek rhythmless loser, etc. This is wrestling, yes, but it really isn’t. The same applies for dancing: Let yourself loose. Wrestle someone… or just flop around! Watch the whole thing, as this “match” gets more surreal, disturbing and totally inspiring by the minute. Also, this provides several good examples of the move we call the “hypno-wiggle”.
Goddamn, Godfather
Tailor-made for our purposes, as James Brown’s career was pure DM from start to finish. Focus up, and you’ll soon have several brand new bags, all brimming with unadulterated boogie. Take special note of James' orange crème v-neck--that is how to dress, folks. Go to the 0:51 mark to see my personal favorite, James' take on “the Robot.”
But, in all seriousness, don’t be serious about it. Get down whichever way feels right to you, and people will dig it (probably). And if you’re really lucky, you might make it onto YouTube, the undisputed marker of excellence in the 21st century.