Dance Marathon is just around the corner (along with extensive NBN coverage) and perhaps you’re being hit with a gigantic wave of muddled emotions. Unexpected assignments that have to get done before the big weekend? Fear about how utterly out of shape you are? Excitement for your first DM experience? Regardless, we’re here to give you a boost and some mental preparation. We know horoscopes are your guilty pleasure whether you admit it or not, so whether you’re an Aquarius ready to dance your ass off or a Libra in desperate need of caffeine, we’ve got you covered.
Aries: March 21 – April 19
Uranus is in Aries until 2018, meaning that for you upperclassmen, you’ll never experience DM in any other phase. Take full advantage of it now. The Aries phase brings forth waves of innovation and self-revolution. Use DM as a means of reinventing yourself, whether this be realizing your previously undiscovered love for charity dancing or even meeting a future partner at DM. Especially for early Aries, March 4 begins a time of increased energy and confidence, as well as stronger ~sexual desire~. As long as you don’t let the aggressive side of you win over and push everyone away around hour 20, DM may serve as a dating scene for you and you may be in for a time of unpredictable passion on the dance floor.
Power foods: KIT KAT, Twix
Taurus: April 20 – May 20
Solar eclipse on March 8! You are quickly approaching a new phase of your life, so make the most of the end of this one. In all honesty, this probably just means transitioning from #week9 into reading week, but there’s no harm in maintaining false hope that great, life-changing things are coming. Dance your way out of stress and into the soon-approaching warmth of Spring Break. The solar eclipse also means, however, little to no access to heat. Literally. No warmth or insulation for 30 hours sounds dangerous, so come prepared. Bring your Canada Goose and heat packs for your gloves – whatever you need to do to prepare for the coming eclipse.
Power foods: Warm drinks and hot water – Fight that solar eclipse!
Gemini: May 21 – June 20
March is a tough month for Geminis all around. Lots of friction and tension, difficult relationships and fighting your own ego. You are lonely and need to get your mind off things, and you may find yourself short-tempered. You know people who start getting pissed off by everyone and everything? That’s a Gemini around hour 10. A short tongue and angry attitude will hurt relationships for you and make DM miserable, so stay positive and make the most of it. Things will look up hour 18 when the stars are scheduled to work in your favor again.
Power foods: potato chips
Cancer: June 21 – July 22
Your energy levels are great and relationships are at a high, but perhaps these favorable conditions will become far more stressful later in March. This is symbolic of your 30-hour marathon experience. Don’t be fooled by the excitement and thrill with which you get through the first third hour or so. Things will get rough for you around hour 20 – legs cramping, sudden migraines and BO all around. Bring a care kit just in case, so that you can get through DM and get some relaxation in this reading week before the hell-half of March approaches.
Power foods: Advil, Motrin
Leo: July 23 - August 22
Mercury squaring Mars from March 3 to 6 is the breaking point of your month, overlapping coincidentally with DM 2016. Ladies, maybe this means it’s that time of the month. BE PREPARED. You never know what can happen. But Leos are persistent and stable, always ready to push through any challenge, and for people so strong-willed, 30 hours is no challenge. Be enthusiastic and you’ll be sure to have a great time with Mother Nature and your extra absorbent best friends.
Power foods: Extra rich dark chocolate, granola bars
Virgo: August 23 – September 22
The recent full moon has created an uncomfortable shadow over Virgos’ lives that will last until the end of March 8. This might create uncertainties and second thoughts about having signed up for such a ridiculous activity, and Virgos have probably been secretly dreading DM for the past few weeks. But positive thinking is essential. Doubts will start to creep in around hour 16, tempting you to give up altogether. Don’t. And don’t complain because this will push your friends away and leave you to a lonely DM experience. The stars will realign in your favor around hour 22 for another burst of energy, so stay optimistic and distribute your energy wisely.
Power foods: Clif bars, iced tea
Libra: September 23 – October 22
Libras are tired, so tired. Winter Quarter has been rough for them, but things are getting better and life is becoming beautiful again. You’re ready to kill finals and treat the hell out of yourself reading week – as long as – you can just get through DM. Just stay focused on staying awake; even the first few hours will be rough. Get plenty of sleep the night before and have coffee on hand. Stay low-key, quietly sway around, just do whatever it takes to not fall asleep.
Power foods: Espresso shots, Monster Energy, 5-hour energy
Scorpio: October 23 – November 21
Mars is currently in Scorpio, unleashing Scorpios’ sexual prowess. Everyone on the floor will be captivated by your mysterious charm and the effortless way you move. Just do your thing and get ready for a good time! On the downside, don’t stay so focused on yourself that you forget about the needs of those around you. Your Taurus or Cancer friends may be in danger, especially around hours 11, 14 and 23, so stay on alert to make sure you don’t lose any friendships while caught up dancing with your new admirers.
Power foods: Peppermint
Sagittarius: November 22 – December 21
Sagittarius’ are destined to succeed at DM, considering their natural adaptability to almost any situation. However, currently Saturn is in Sagittarius, which does yield an important warning: Avoid excessiveness and irresponsibility. Practice moderation in all its forms, because having those two extra granola bars or gulping down your third water bottle out of sheer hour 25 desperation will leave you with nothing but stomach cramps. Yes, week 9 might have left you with no sense of self or morality whatsoever but just try to be reasonable.
Power foods: Green tea, detoxifying juices
Capricorn: December 22 – January 19
Pluto is in Capricorn, and amazing things are in your future at DM. Capricorns’ naturally dynamic personalities will keep them going strong, but more importantly, DM will be a necessary jumpstart after a period of self-defeating behaviors. If this sounds like you, fear no more: DM’s got your back. Technically, 30 hours of dancing is equivalent to, and can make up for, three weekly gym sessions throughout Winter Quarter (because we all know those didn’t happen). And perhaps it will be enough fun for you to go back to the gym for an actual workout next week.
Power foods: Fruit! Healthy things! New beginnings! Fran's no more!
Aquarius: January 20 – February 18
Mercury and Venus are both in Aquarius, which has amazing implications for your energy levels during DM. Your open-minded and rebellious attitude will make you the center of the show with unconventional dance moves and constant bursts of energy. You don’t follow the rules, and this is great but also dangerous. Wear comfortable shoes and pants, make sure to dance carefully, and have BAND-AIDS on hand because you might go just a little bit too hard. Listen to your body when you start getting tired around hour 19, and don’t throw all of your energy out all at once.
Power foods: Lots and lots of water
Pisces: February 19 – March 20
Pisces! If you spent your birthday studying for your second round of midterms or are anticipating it all falling down during finals week, DM is your chance for a stress-free birthday celebration. Invite your friends to come cheer you on and keep you motivated because you’re getting old and frail. The stars seem to show that you’ll start tiring out on the corresponding hour of your birth date (March 1 birthdays, you’re kind of screwed; March 30 birthdays will kill the game). But at the end of the day it’s all about having fun and accepting the ~beauty of aging~.
Power foods: Anything and everything. Nothing counts on your birthday.