Maybe you’re tailgating with friends before walking up to Ryan Field for a football game, or perhaps you’re heading to the concession stand during a basketball game at Welsh-Ryan Arena. No matter where you’re enjoying Northwestern sports this year, you’ll likely be faced with a common, yet sometimes daunting question: “What would you like to drink?”
But don’t panic – this handy guide is here to help you make an educated beverage selection this season … by comparing drinks to your favorite Northwestern athletes.
Dan Vitale and Four Loko by Will Fischer
ENERGY BEER. If any drink can match the combination of sheer power, ferocity and intensity that Dan Vitale brings the ‘Cats on the football field, it’s a pre-2010 Four Loko. I would not recommend consuming this once highly powerful, caffeinated, alcoholic beverage, just as I would not recommend getting in the way of Vitale when he has a full head of steam. Plus, Four Lokos are known to have ruined many Saturday nights – and you can ask the Ball State Cardinals, Vitale certainly ruined theirs.
Caroline Niedospial and Natural Light by Timothy Hackett
Say your friends are hosting their first classic college party, but they forgot the most essential component: the alcohol.
The rest of your crew has let you down, and you need to get something fast. You need a drink to save the day, to dig the party out of the hole your friends have dug. So you grab a couple cases of Natty Light. It’s the sixth most popular beer in America, and climbing the rankings. It’s not too flashy, but it gets the job done.
That’s Caroline Niedospial. She ranks third on the all-time Northwestern digs list, but doesn’t need to hog the spotlight to play a critical part on such a talented team.
As the last line of defense for Northwestern Volleyball, she is always there to save the day, just like our school’s favorite party beer.
Alex Olah and Băbească neagră by Arielle Schwartz
For Alex Olah, nothing less than Romanian red wine can mimic his moves on the court.
Most red wines aren’t able to handle low temperatures, but Băbească neagră can most definitely survive the cold Evanston winters. It’s light, airy and sweet taste will gracefully swoop the court, just like the ‘Cats senior center, leaving its opponents dazed and confused. Although Băbească neagră is sweet to the taste, it takes a long time to mature. This season, Olah is ready at his most mature and ripe state, as he conquers the Big Ten.
We also hear that this classy foreign drink is best enjoyed in March ...
Tre Demps and ice water by Austin Siegel
While plenty of athletes at Northwestern could be compared to caffeinated energy drinks or seasonally brewed Belgian-style wheat beer, Tre Demps doesn’t have time for these fancy beverages. He’s been getting buckets long before most of us came to Northwestern and he’ll be getting buckets long after we’re gone. Like the rivers and mighty oceans that dot our humble planet, Tre Demps will never cease to flow.
Ice water is a combination of two externally different but fundamentally-identical elements. Tre Demps is a combination of deadly outside shooting and a borderline-scary ability to finish at the rim, two different skills that ultimately achieve the same result.
Does ice water flow through his veins? Or like the majestic glaciers of the Arctic Circle, does he plow through Big Ten defenses on a journey to hoop? Regardless, Demps is set up for success this season.
Ashley Deary and 5-hour ENERGY by Jason Mast
Before every game, I like to think point guard Ashley Deary takes a shot of 5-hour ENERGY.
It’s not technically a drink but a compact burst of unceasing energy. This is a caffeinated beverage that slyly infiltrates and riddles through every vein, jolting tired nerves into up-tempo drives. The sparking extreme mental acuity kicks in as you slash under and around defenders and dish the ball out like a B-12 shot. This is a drink that can awaken even the most drained teammates into a frenzied offensive dance, usually in March.
Yeah, I’d say that’s Ashley Deary.
Clayton Thorson and Leinenkugel’s Summer Shandy by Rob Schaefer
Leinenkugel’s Summer Shandy features "tangy character with malty undertones," according to its website, with its mix of lemonade flavor and "subtle hoppiness."
The similarities to Northwestern quarterback Clayton Thorson are obvious. Summer Shandy's light nature evokes visions of Thorson moving outside the pocket and scurrying for 141 yards and two touchdowns on the young season. The cutting, biting action Thorson generates on his spirals has been described as ‘tart’ by some of the most renowned quarterback analysts in the nation.
With Leinenkugel’s first hitting the shelves in 2013 and Thorson making his debut on Sept. 5, both are promising newcomers in their respective field. And both should be enjoyed responsibly.
Selena Lasota and gin and tonic by Andy Brown
Selena Lasota is from Campbell River, British Columbia, a town nestled in the rainy Pacific Northwest. So when she came to Northwestern, she seemed to be perfectly comfortable playing lacrosse in the cold, rainy spring season, scoring 69 goals in 21 games and earning a spot on the All-American team for her efforts as a freshman. The best way to describe Lasota's prowess on the lacrosse field in beverage form?
Gin and Tonic (made with some good, old-fashioned Canada Dry).
Bring on the rain, the snow and the wind. Lasota doesn't care, she's from Canada, she's been through worse and she's still going to score at least three goals a game. Like this beverage's non-alcoholic component, Lasota's knack for coming up with clutch goals is surefire way to settle NU fans' stomachs in tense late-game situations. And know what goes great with a Gin and Tonic? #Onions