If you listen to frat boys and Homer Simpson, then all you know about beer is that it’s good. But there’s more to beer than its deliciousness and the vitamins that your dad insists it has. Beers can vary by ingredients, aftertaste, coloring and price. It’s time to get yourself a little more acquainted, so you don’t embarass yourself next time you hit up World Of Beer.
PARTY TIME
This kind of beer means you’ve thrown in the towel and you’re just tryna get fucked up. Mostly pale lagers, these are best bought in bulk to be consumed by the 25 extra freshmen that showed up uninvited.
Pabst Blue Ribbon
Type: Pale lager
Average Price: $10 per 12-pack
Taste: PBR is associated with everyone from hipsters to blue-collar workers who don’t know what hipsters are. This light beer is easy-to-sip with a musky aftertaste. It’s got a sweet taste at the beginning and lands with a dry finish, marking it as a cheap beer that is actually enjoyable to binge on.
Miller Lite
Type: Pale lager
Average Price: $6 per six-pack
Taste: It can be difficult to describe Miller Lite because of its watered-down flavor. It has a slight bitter aftertaste and a crisp feel on your tongue, making it one of the easiest beers to either sip or chug.
FIRST PAID INTERNSHIP
For at least three months, you’re living large at your dream company. They’re paying the big bucks too, so you can splurge on some fine beers. Bring these suckers out for that hot date who’s only coming over to see the size of your, uh, bedroom.
Guinness
Type: Irish dry stout
Average Price: $12 per 4-pack
Taste: The original taste of Dublin is creamy on the outside and malted and caramel-like on the inside, with a smooth and smoky taste. Plus, it’s heaven to lick that foam off your lips.
Desperados (Spain)
Type: Euro pale lager
Average Price: $20 per 12-pack, not including shipping
Taste:A sweet beer that has the unexpected pleasure of being aromatized with tequila. Typically found in the distant lands of Western Europe, a sour kick balances this beer’s über-sweet taste. It’s the easiest tequila shot you’ll ever take, though its surprising mixture can lead to overconsumption and bad decisions.
FIRST PAYCHECK
Welcome to the work force and to your first glorious, taxed paycheck. Now to put those hard-earned dollars from serving tables and CEOs toward some better beer. Soon, you’ll find yourself pairing these beers with meals, but try to limit it to one for breakfast.
Leinenkugel’s Summer Shandy
Type: Fruit beer
Average Price: $12 per six-pack
Taste: It’s the Fruity Pebbles of beer, just without the milk and nostalgia. Summer Shandy has an unusually sweet, citrus taste that could cause it to be confused for hard lemonade. It has a thin body with a touch of bitterness at the end of a sip, retaining that familiar beery taste.
Dogfish Head 90 Min. Imperial IPA
Type: American Double/Imperial IPA
Average Price: $11 per four-pack
Taste: Esquire calls this beer “perhaps the best IPA in America.” It’s a beer that deserves a double-take, as its incredibly bitter taste will hit you pretty quickly. It’s got a strong, hoppy aroma coupled with a creamy feel and a fruity aftertaste that stays on your tongue.
BEER DICTIONARY
ALE: This beer is made by a process of quickly fermenting yeast, which gives it a sweet, full-bodied taste. Ales are more complex, with a short aging process and the need to be kept at a particular room temperature. This gives them a warm and sweet flavor. There are all kinds of ales, from brown ale with its slightly nutty taste, to pale ales with a more hearty, bitter feel.
HOPS: Hops are actually flowers used as a flavoring and stability agent in the brewing process. They’re important in adding bitterness to a beer, which you know as that tangy aftertaste from a long sip.
IPA: India Pale Ales are known for their use of coke-fired malt and extra hops, giving them a paler color and added bitterness. They were created in the 1800s as a means of sending beer overseas without it spoiling from the long voyage.
LAGER: Lagers are made with adjuncts, which are unmalted grains such as corn, rye or rice, as a means to thin the beer’s body. Lagers are brewed with a small amount of hops and best kept in cold storage, a process that creates a crisp feel. There are two types of lagers: Pale lagers are lean, golden-colored beers characterized by their dry, subtle taste, and dark lagers are dark and heavier beers with a slightly sweeter kick to them.
MALT: An essential ingredient in beer, malt is made by drying cereal grains, commonly barley, which is then germinated and killed to convert its starches to sugars. This sugar is the basis of the beer’s taste.
MALT LIQUOR: A pale lager made with less hops and more sugar, malt liquor has a higher alcohol content of about six to seven percent. These beers taste strong and hit you harder, all with a non-bitter aftertaste.
STOUT: Strong, dark beers with an alcohol content of seven to eight percent, stouts are made with roasted dark barley, usually providing a brown appearance and a distinct viscosity. The taste is usually syrupy and coffee-like, with a strong and satisfying aftertaste.
WHEAT: Usually referred to as “white beers,” wheat beers are brewed with lots of wheat and malted barley. This pale-colored beer is light in feel and has an inoffensive aftertaste, making it easy to sip. Wheat beers can vary in taste, with some having a sweet, malty flavor and others having a sour and tangy touch.