This might be obvious, but I love sex.
Sex can make you vulnerable and free and exposed and comforted. It can wreck your nerves, restore your faith in happiness and teach you a lesson. All those descriptors sound different? That’s right – they are. Because sex can be anything you want (as long as it’s consensual).
UPDATE: Women are supposed to enjoy sex! Hard to believe, but there was a time when I didn’t love sex. Before I learned otherwise, I had a lot of average sex and thought that was the end of the story. Luckily, my story has a happy ending. No, not one like Cinderella. One like those R-rated movies that you’d watch after your parents went to sleep.
My disappointing era of average sex quickly ended after I learned to masturbate. The first time I masturbated I realized I could take my sexuality literally into my own hands.
That made me feel powerful.
Now I want other people, especially women, to unleash that power. Female masturbation is rarely discussed, but is quite common. Charli XCX wrote a song championing the dirty deed and said "it's a feminist statement more than a song telling you to put your hand in your pants, because girls should own their own bodies ... If they’re going to be sexualized, they should sexualize themselves and not let someone else do it for them.”
Masturbation isn’t just a mouthful of a word. It’s a dirty task we associate with insatiable teenage boys and lonely men. While it’s not graceful on the tongue, masturbation is as natural as the big O. If the word and its associations bother you, there is a plethora of catchy alternatives to choose from: tootin’ your horn, finger fucking, choking the chicken, auditioning the finger puppets and my personal favorite, self-actualization.
No matter what you call it, who you are or how much experience you have, masturbation will improve your sex life. Are you curious? Looking to change things up? Want to procrasturbate? (Yes, that's a thing). Masturbation accomplishes all these desires.
If gaining sheer sexual power doesn’t have you stroking yourself already, here are some other benefits of masturbation:
Learn what you like
The only way to figure out how to make your toes curl is to try things. Do you like music? What type? Do you like using toys? Want to play a character? Want to have a particular type of partner? Who are you thinking about? What feels good? Unfortunately I cannot answer these questions for you. My preferences are as different from yours as they are from that cutie-with-a-booty from your philosophy discussion. The good news is that your body will tell you what you like. All you have to do is listen.
Learn what you dislike
Knowing what you dislike is just as helpful as what you like. You’ll waste less time in the bedroom figuring out what goes where and what feels good. While figuring this out with someone else is definitely fun, it’s not always an option in Northwestern’s hook-up culture. Learning what you dislike speeds up the pleasure process. I’m a firm believer in the “don’t-knock-it-till-you-try-it” mindset, so light some candles and try it.
Become a giver
Someone that wants to make you orgasm is a million times sexier than a selfish lover. Want to know why last week’s Deuce hookup didn’t text you back? You had a great time! What went wrong? Maybe they didn’t have as good a time as you did. Pleasing others is the best way to receive pleasure. By learning your preferences in private, you will have more time to focus on your partner. They will thank you for that.
For your health
There are countless health benefits of masturbation. It lowers blood pressure and reduces stress, improves self image, helps you sleep and obviously improves your mood (have you ever felt ambivalent after an orgasm?). Also, despite what your health teacher may have told you, there are no negative health effects. Zero. None. Okay, there is one negative effect … Masturbation makes you want sex more, but to be honest, I don’t mind that effect so much.
It’s fun
Do I really need to describe this one? If so, you really need to (un)buckle down and try it.
Love always,
The Mistress