Recently, I had to take a trip to the Apple Store after my power cord started smoking and melting on me. No biggie, Apple just gave me a new one. When I walked in there, I began to remember my days at the Apple Store and I realized there are a few typical customers that patronize every single one I have been to.
The traveling businessman with computer problems. What? Your computer completely crashed and you have to catch a flight in ten minutes? Can you have it fixed in 5 minutes? Oh sure, just let the Apple “Geniuses” throw some of Jobs’ secret pixie dust on it. Don’t think so, buddy.
The Apple-tattooed employee. Yes, we know how much you love working here by the giant Apple tattoo on your forearm. We’ll see how much you love that wilted Apple in 40 years.
The tech-savy senior citizen. Surprisingly, you’ll find a lot of old people here. Most are getting one-on-one lessons by Apple “Creatives.” I can’t really say anything bad about them. Often, they know more than the “seasoned” IT guy coming in to by more memory for his liquid-cooled Mac Pro.
The Apple-crazed 8 year old. We know, you just watched Jobs’ keynote and you want to buy the newest edition of Final Cut Pro. Will you ever use it? Probably not, but just having it is half the battle, right? By the time you’re 18 and start to use the software you’ll have already dumped a cool 2 grand on upgrades. Apple loves you and your Visa swiping parents.
The guy who screams. “SCREW APPLE! SCREW THIS F#$%ING COMPANY!” Thanks for causing a scene. No one cares. Your computer might take a week to fix. Deal with it. People are still going to buy into the iPod because it’s hip with or without you.
The cigar smoker. What does this have to do with Apple? This person will walk into the store with a completely broken computer. The thing won’t even turn on. Hmmm. Let’s just lift the hood on this puppy. Cigar ash then proceeds to split out all over the counter from the inside of the computer. Hey, looks like we found the problem!
Ultra-hip Apple employee. Wow, you use a Mac for everything. Oh, you also create your own music with Apple Logic Pro and your own movies with Final Cut Pro? I guess I should have known with that smug lip piercing and blue-dyed haircut.
Now, this may seem like I hate Apple and the people who work there. I don’t. Really. Should I get an Apple tattoo to prove to you I don’t?
[image via Flickr]